In my work as a therapist and relationship coach, I have seen many people jump from relationship to relationship never taking a look at the issues that emerged during those relationships. How aware are you of the issues that have come up in your past dating relationships? Did you address those issues or jump out of the relationship when problems began?
What prevents us form seeing patterns in our dating relationships?
There are 3 key ways we keep from looking at our patterns…
1. Denial- “I don”t have any patterns” . You don’t like to look at your own behavior in relationships either because it is too painful or you fear seeing mistakes that you have made.
2. Protecting our ego- “It’s them not me”. You blame dating partners for the reason the relationships has issues and is not growing.
3. Status quo- “I don’t want to change anything”. You don’t want to look at your behavior patterns in your dating because it requires work and compromise.
How to identify patterns in your relationships:
- Set aside some time to start looking back on your past dating history. Write down the people that you have dated and next to their name write any issues that emerged during that relationship.
2. Pay close attention to what issues you listed for each of your past dating relationships and your current relationship. What
issues are the same? Is it financial issues? Power issues? Lack of commitment? Trouble resolving conflicts? Identifying the issue
that keeps coming up gives you valuable information about how you relate to dating partners.
3. Ask for feedback from close friend or family members on what they have observed in your dating relationships.
Compare your list with their information. Have they seen the same issues coming up in your relationships?
Want to learn what to do when you start seeing the patterns? Go the listen tab of this website to hear episode #7 of Growing Your Relationships podcast.
Not sure what your relationships issues or patterns are? Go to the learn about services tab of this website to book a FREE discovery call with me.